Sidelined NO MORE!

If you were to ask me a few years ago if I inspired anyone, I would scoff, and say "Oh heck no!" And really, I wouldn't give that a second thought. Me? An inspiration? Please!!! :O Last year when I had already adopted healthy eating habits, lost a good bit of weight, AND was active but still felt like death every single day... I had to get totally serious about my commitment to my health. There was no way I was going down like that and I wasn't going to sit by idly watching my life from the comfy seat on the couch, or the bench on the sidelines. NO WAY! My son, husband, friends and family deserve the best me I can give them, the healthiest me! So...I sought out natural supplements to help me battle my auto immune disease and the symptoms of severe chronic fatigue that I was battling. If you don't have your health, you don't truly have the chance to seek out real freedom OR happiness. Feeling terrible every.single.day is a real BIG burden and so very many people carry that around with them. IN SECRET! They hide how they really feel from nearly everyone save for maybe their closest loved ones. No one should have to live like that. If I have in any way inspired you with my successes and the battle you've seen me fighting - then I am truly humbled and honored. These Plexus products are real, and if you doubt that then scroll down my wall and see for yourself. The proof is real, and it's there. I'm not alone, and there are thousands and thousands of other real people out there JUST like me who all have their own success story. This journey is beautiful, it's challenging, and oh so rewarding.... but I promise you, it's worth every.bit.of.effort you put into it. I won't be sidelined, and I won't stop! 

My Toddler is turning out to be my greatest Teacher

So for a while now we've been dealing with an unruly, defiant, emotionally confused, easily unraveled little man.  Nathan is around 3 and a half now, and he plays the part of monstrous toddler quite brilliantly.  Bravo little man.  Oh wait!

NO -  Oh GOOD grief I am so tired of the whacky, crazy, unexplainable behavior.  I see this awesome sweet, intelligent and sensitive little boy emerging at times but there are these other, dare-to-keep-them-quiet times where he acts so irrational I think to myself "surely this little kid has lost his f'ing mind"!  Yeah yeah... I know!  You don't have to remind me.  This is what the vast majority of toddlers do.  When you're in the thick of it and it's been going on for months, it feels like it will never end.

Our counselor continues to remind us of Nathan's progress and I am so grateful for her keeping us grounded.  They say our children are our best teachers and I really do believe that now with my whole heart.  Nathan has taught me so much about the kind of person I really am.... which has truthfully been a shameful discovery for me.  I know I am a good Mom, but I want to be a great one.  I see my shortcomings shown to me in a blaze of flashing behavior that he mirrors back to me.  Oh no!  I don't want those things for him.  He has unknowingly shown me and taught me that I have habits and behaviors that I desperately want to... nay... need to change about myself.  I truly had no idea how much of a 360 degree immersive experience having and raising a child would be.  It astounds me how much I have learned about myself, the world, and how my priorties are shifting dramatically.

Just a few things I am working on and changing...and I'm sure there are more but these are the big ones!

1. Anxiety - This ugly beast!  My anxiety is far better than it's ever been in my adult life.  Why?  Because I don't want Nathan to perpetuate or develop this in himself.  It's wild when you see your child mirroring anxious behaviors that you know you, yourself do.  I am in the process of reevaluating virtually everything I do and say on a daily basis.  For those who have been here.... this is EXHAUSTING!
2. Complaining -  My health hasn't been the greatest .. ever.  It's not horrible but it's improving and has improved a tremendous amount in recent months.  But I am like a typical man when I get sick.  I whine, I complain.  I never realized just how much I made random comments about "my head hurts" or "whoah It sucks that I feel so bad" ..... until I heard my darling little boy saying those same kinds of things.  UGH.  Not going to lie, I'm a bit worried that I can't get him to pull out of this behavior... even though I have quashed showing much of this kind of stuff around him.  If I truly am sick and sound sick and look sick - that's a different story.  I know that it's important for him to see that it's OK to take breaks and take care of yourself.  BIG difference between the associated behaviors though.
3. Patience -  I have learned very quickly and very shamefully that I am sorely lacking in this department.  My biggest New Years resolution this year is to develop and foster an ability to be patient in light of ANY circumstance or situation.  This will not be easy.

Focus on yourself

It's all just too much.  I feel so overwhelmed right now.  I suppose as we grow older, a shift happens for some and you realize that you already knew life was short, but it takes on a warp speed, faster than light-like quality that just blows your mind.  Looking around I've realized that people are fading away out of my life or they already have.  Clearly, some have meant so much to me and I don't want that "fading" to happen.  But inevitably, the harder I have tried to re-cultivate those relationships, it seems that the effort is most of the time, one sided.  

Had a wake up mental "slap" from my confidant today.  So what if people don't reciprocate the cultivation?  Don't take it personally.  "Focus on yourself".   I must find peace with myself... work on myself.... be real and happy with myself.  Looking to others won't fix that.  Only once I am comfortable and good with who I am, will I really enjoy the friendship and company of others.

When the pain of holding on is worse than the pain of letting go, it is time to let go. Let go of needing everyone to like you. – Everyone doesn’t need to like you. But remember, just because some people don’t seem to care for you, doesn’t mean you should forget about everyone else who does.